If you have ever parented, then you know that sometimes one of the things we have to do is overlook something bad and not just show your child grace in the moment, but actually do the opposite of what they expected. Meaning that they have done something disappointing and expect a punishment to be coming their way, but instead they may get a just a talk....or they get to experience you overlooking the disappointment and crediting them for something good going on in their life. This is a measure that goes beyond grace. This is a chance to show them the mistake was just that, a mistake...and it does not disqualify them from doing good and making good choices. It fact, it is when your child recognizes their own mistake that you are can parent the best. Because you don't have to point it out to them, they already pointed it out in themselves. And now you have the chance to teach instead of punish. I've said all that because I have experienced this kind of love from God so many times, yet each time He does it I am amazed all over again.
This past week was a tough week for me. I can't put my finger on exactly where things went wrong, I just knew I was feeling defeated in my mind and was not living up to the potential that God has placed in me. I didn't go out and commit some big carnal sin, but I did feel distant from God for a few days. Some things inside of me needed dealt with and to be quite honest I probably was "hiding behind a bush for a couple of days" (like Adam in the garden when God came looking for him) instead of just allowing God to deal with me. However, like God so lovingly always does, He had His Holy Spirit continue to speak to me about some things I needed to hand over to Him and allow Him to deal with that I had going on in me. That in itself is amazing out of Him. How He loves us enough to not just step back and wait on us to come begging for closeness again...but He continues to come into our "garden" to let us know that He wants to walk and talk with us. And yes, I do believe will can go to a place where we can still walk and talk with God as Adam did. It may not be in the physical sense like Adam did, but I can still spend time with our Creator just like Adam and Eve. And that is not something I take lightly. The Creator of everything we see takes time to not just listen to me, but speak to me as well.
So like I said, I didn't have a week where I felt super close to God, so my natural "human" instinct is that I have taken a step back and I need to step back up so God can use me. However, this is the place where God still amazes me all the time. He really doesn't think that way. He really says "I have plans for you, and a purpose, and I am going to continue to push forward and show you those things. I am going to continue to use you if you continue to show up to be used. I don't care what kind of week you had, I want to show you that it's all about your heart. And just like David and Moses and others in the bible, you can be used you as long as you continue to keep your heart with me, recognize when something isn't right, repent and surrender to me again". You see surrendering to God is not a "one and done" thing. Things are fighting for our attention, our thoughts, our money, our desires and our love all the time. So when we realize that things have taken some of our attention away from God, we don't need to hide and think He can't use me until "I" fix this. We need to repent, allow Him to work these things out of us, and continue to stay at a place to be used. Above all else keeping our heart close to His.
God did use me in a powerful way this weekend. And when it was done I wept at the idea that He really does love me enough to overlook the ugliness inside of me and still use me. Yes, I have to keep my heart close to Him so I can hear Him speaking to me....and yes, I have to stay willing to be used if I want to be. But when He uses you instead of chastising you, you get to see the real meaning of mercy and love.
God, thank You for seeing our hearts.....always seeing our hearts. Please help us keep our hearts in alignment with so that when our thoughts or actions go astray, You can correct us and draw us back onto the path You have for us. Stop the lies of the enemy that tell us we are unusable, and let us see that our identity is in YOU. Help us to submit to You the moment we know something doesn't feel right and not hide our faces from You. For we know Your Grace and Mercy is new every day and for that we praise and thank You. In Jesus name, Amen
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